What a horrendous, horrible, rotten, no-good week!
I had two high pressure meetings at work this week - one on Monday and one on Tuesday. After the Tuesday meeting, I was completely spent. Emotional energy was at an all-time low. When I came home on Tuesday, I asked My Love if we could take Wednesday morning off. I had shared the details of the meeting with him by cell on my way home (don't worry - I have a hands free system!). He agreed that made a lot of sense.
But...that's led us into a weird space. Taking Wednesday off led to taking Thursday off and to a half-assed maintenance session on Friday. Now we're in a funk. We just finished talking about where we go from here. We both see the benefits of the first week, and we both noticed a big change on Wednesday and Thursday. At the same time, we're both clear that taking Wednesday off made a lot of sense. Thursday? Well, neither of us can decide if that was a good idea or not.
I really appreciate My Love's willingness to help me grow and change and also to have a voice in the tricky times. We're both clear that right before a punishment is absolutely not a time when I can ask for reprieve, yet asking to take Wednesday off from training because of the intensity at work on both Monday and Tuesday made a lot of sense to both of us. That request was not motivated by my behavior or trying to get out of a spanking, it was based on emotional energy levels and circumstances of life outside the bedroom.
We also talked about rules and whether there might be too many of them right now. For example, sometimes I am late because it is just the nature of my work and my job tasks. Perhaps those times of tardiness are ok, while other times are not. It's a constant process of reflection, communication, and consideration.
We are trying to give this lifestyle the ole college try again starting on Monday with the weekly weigh in. The rules will likely take another edit, too (we review them each Monday). Sigh...it would be so nice if life was black and white and clear cut sometimes. At the same time, it'd be pretty boring.
Showing posts with label maintenance. Show all posts
Showing posts with label maintenance. Show all posts
Saturday, January 15, 2011
Thursday, January 6, 2011
Welcome to Maintenance and to a Swollen, Sore, Red Bottom
Boy, o boy. My 45 minute maintenance session was held today and was followed about an hour later by 4 sharp, strong swats with the plank. The 45 minute session included spanking, corner time, more spanking, and time on the bed lying on my tummy. I came SO close to tears about three times (which is one of our goals of maintenance sessions), but just couldn't quite release fully. When My Love used the belt, I was right on the edge of crying. I was probably only 2-3 swats away from really losing it and then My Love said, "I don't really like the belt...it's too unwieldy." Sigh.
The maintenance session (if I remember it correctly - I have had 3 spankings today and the details are beginning to blur) began with me bending over the end of the bed with my knees bent and feet on the floor. Then My Love spanked me with his hands using varying intensity levels and alternately using one or two hands. He also moved his body from my right to left a few times. My bottom was already pretty sore from the punishment spanking I had received about four hours earlier. My Love also used a new wood remnant that we're calling The Board. It is shorter and wider than the plank and he used it with less force, which was a welcome change. Then...
Little Miss, meet your closet door - your new "corner." Closet door, meet Little Miss. After the fairly extended hand spanking I was sent to the door and was instructed to place my feet shoulder width apart and to place my hands flat against the door at the height of my head. The longer I stood there, the more weary my hands and arms became. While I stood there, I discovered it was more effective if I kept my eyes open (why do I fess up to these insights and offer them to My Love?!), so that is also part of the corner time expectation. While I stood there, naked, I could see My Love reading the print out of my blog posts to date. We had decided prior to maintenance that he will have the password to my email, that I will create a file in my email account for emails I think he may want to see (although he can/will look at whatever else he wants to read), and that he will read my blog posts. It was humiliating to stand there naked and red-bottomed while he read my thoughts and reflections on other spankings. What is it about humiliation and shame that is so darn effective?! I just don't get it but I'm more and more convinced that it is very true.
I was then instructed to put my feet shoulder width apart, bend over and place my hands on top of the Rubbermaid bin that holds all our implements and other DD items. Maintenance was proving to be full of new experiences - two new positions and a new implement in one spanking. This position provided a different set of sensations, probably because my skin was more taut. After being spanked with My Love's hand some more, he alternately used the board as well. Then he tried the belt, which nearly brought me to tears. That experience is described above. He also delivered a series of quick, repetitive swats with both the board and the hand - that also nearly drew me to tears and it was very effective.
At that point, I think My Love must have looked at my bright red bottom and thought I'd had enough. Instead of declaring the maintenance session done, he asked me if I'd had enough. I actually said no. I asked him if I could be put over his knee and he agreed. We also took just a minute or two to discuss what he was saying as he spanked me - some of it was really effective but other words were really ruining the experience. I'm glad he was open to my comments. Normally, I would not dream of commenting or commentating during a spanking, but this time it really seemed to work well.
My Love grabbed a nearby chair and I went over his knees. I'm not sure I can adequately describe the feelings. There I was being spanked (again and again!) with his firm hand, yet it felt very safe and right. I really appreciated the security of being over his knee. It felt like our roles were very clear during this experience and I appreciated being a submissive wife with an authoritative husband. In a way, I did not want to move away from this position. I told him later that it was comforting and connective to be over his knees. We agreed that this position is probably good for maintenance but not for punishments.
After being over his knees, I asked if I could lay on my tummy on the bed. I was so, so, so close to tears but they just did not fall. I had a little tear here and there but not a full on release. After about 10-15 minutes (I'm guessing here...I really have no idea how long it was), I was told to get ready for the gym. We went to the gym with my bottom throbbing a bit and delivering copious amounts of heat during the 1.75 mile, 45 minute workout.
On the way home from the gym, we talked about what maintenance is and should be like. I mentioned that maintenance is an opportunity for me to be reminded why I do not want to break any rules, that I think a slower and more prolonged experience would be effective, and that one or two harsh swats with one or two of the more severe implements at the end would be enough to remind me to behave. Well, I really need to think twice before I just run off at the mouth with all the "great" ideas I have. When we came in the house, My Love looked at me and said, "Get upstairs now." I kind of stumbled in my words and said something about, "Ummm....uhhhh...I thought I was supposed to move the other implements to the Rubbermaid when we got back." He looked seriously at me and said, "That can wait. Get upstairs. Now." Why, especially after all of the punishments I received already, did I think I should try to negotiate?
I went to the bedroom (so far, all spankings have occurred in the bedroom) and he was right behind me. He told me to lower my workout pants and get out the plank. Oh. Crud. Not the plank! I walked into the closet very ashamed with my pants around my ankles. I came out and handed it to him and then bent over as instructed. I received FOUR very hard swats with the plank. My legs kind of broke down with the second, third and fourth swat and My Love sternly reminded me, "Get back in position." During each one, My Love said things like, "So do you want punishments?" "This is what punishments feel like Little Miss." Then I was told to get up and put the implement away.
In addition to the spankings, today's maintenance includes a variety of assignments. Some of the assignments are one-time and others are regular.
Holy Cow. I'm going to be a busy girl. Earlier today, we talked about the possibility of an assigned bedtime during the training period as well - I'm not sure if that is happening or not, so I'd better conclude this and begin the office work I have to do.
The maintenance session (if I remember it correctly - I have had 3 spankings today and the details are beginning to blur) began with me bending over the end of the bed with my knees bent and feet on the floor. Then My Love spanked me with his hands using varying intensity levels and alternately using one or two hands. He also moved his body from my right to left a few times. My bottom was already pretty sore from the punishment spanking I had received about four hours earlier. My Love also used a new wood remnant that we're calling The Board. It is shorter and wider than the plank and he used it with less force, which was a welcome change. Then...
Little Miss, meet your closet door - your new "corner." Closet door, meet Little Miss. After the fairly extended hand spanking I was sent to the door and was instructed to place my feet shoulder width apart and to place my hands flat against the door at the height of my head. The longer I stood there, the more weary my hands and arms became. While I stood there, I discovered it was more effective if I kept my eyes open (why do I fess up to these insights and offer them to My Love?!), so that is also part of the corner time expectation. While I stood there, naked, I could see My Love reading the print out of my blog posts to date. We had decided prior to maintenance that he will have the password to my email, that I will create a file in my email account for emails I think he may want to see (although he can/will look at whatever else he wants to read), and that he will read my blog posts. It was humiliating to stand there naked and red-bottomed while he read my thoughts and reflections on other spankings. What is it about humiliation and shame that is so darn effective?! I just don't get it but I'm more and more convinced that it is very true.
I was then instructed to put my feet shoulder width apart, bend over and place my hands on top of the Rubbermaid bin that holds all our implements and other DD items. Maintenance was proving to be full of new experiences - two new positions and a new implement in one spanking. This position provided a different set of sensations, probably because my skin was more taut. After being spanked with My Love's hand some more, he alternately used the board as well. Then he tried the belt, which nearly brought me to tears. That experience is described above. He also delivered a series of quick, repetitive swats with both the board and the hand - that also nearly drew me to tears and it was very effective.
At that point, I think My Love must have looked at my bright red bottom and thought I'd had enough. Instead of declaring the maintenance session done, he asked me if I'd had enough. I actually said no. I asked him if I could be put over his knee and he agreed. We also took just a minute or two to discuss what he was saying as he spanked me - some of it was really effective but other words were really ruining the experience. I'm glad he was open to my comments. Normally, I would not dream of commenting or commentating during a spanking, but this time it really seemed to work well.
My Love grabbed a nearby chair and I went over his knees. I'm not sure I can adequately describe the feelings. There I was being spanked (again and again!) with his firm hand, yet it felt very safe and right. I really appreciated the security of being over his knee. It felt like our roles were very clear during this experience and I appreciated being a submissive wife with an authoritative husband. In a way, I did not want to move away from this position. I told him later that it was comforting and connective to be over his knees. We agreed that this position is probably good for maintenance but not for punishments.
After being over his knees, I asked if I could lay on my tummy on the bed. I was so, so, so close to tears but they just did not fall. I had a little tear here and there but not a full on release. After about 10-15 minutes (I'm guessing here...I really have no idea how long it was), I was told to get ready for the gym. We went to the gym with my bottom throbbing a bit and delivering copious amounts of heat during the 1.75 mile, 45 minute workout.
On the way home from the gym, we talked about what maintenance is and should be like. I mentioned that maintenance is an opportunity for me to be reminded why I do not want to break any rules, that I think a slower and more prolonged experience would be effective, and that one or two harsh swats with one or two of the more severe implements at the end would be enough to remind me to behave. Well, I really need to think twice before I just run off at the mouth with all the "great" ideas I have. When we came in the house, My Love looked at me and said, "Get upstairs now." I kind of stumbled in my words and said something about, "Ummm....uhhhh...I thought I was supposed to move the other implements to the Rubbermaid when we got back." He looked seriously at me and said, "That can wait. Get upstairs. Now." Why, especially after all of the punishments I received already, did I think I should try to negotiate?
I went to the bedroom (so far, all spankings have occurred in the bedroom) and he was right behind me. He told me to lower my workout pants and get out the plank. Oh. Crud. Not the plank! I walked into the closet very ashamed with my pants around my ankles. I came out and handed it to him and then bent over as instructed. I received FOUR very hard swats with the plank. My legs kind of broke down with the second, third and fourth swat and My Love sternly reminded me, "Get back in position." During each one, My Love said things like, "So do you want punishments?" "This is what punishments feel like Little Miss." Then I was told to get up and put the implement away.
In addition to the spankings, today's maintenance includes a variety of assignments. Some of the assignments are one-time and others are regular.
- I am to blog each experience - maintenance or otherwise.
- Each week, I am supposed to edit/update our booklet that lists rules, implements, etc.
- All my "toys" go to the Rubbermaid tonight and I only use them with prior permission from here on out.
- I am to add implement commentary to the implement post whenever a new implement is used.
- A list of ideas for appropriate shaming is to be created. Luckily, I can decide when this is done.
- I need to clean off my craft desk, which is a daily assignment that My Love graciously waived last night because I arrived home at 9:30pm from a long meeting.
- I need to research laser hair removal for down there and begin that process. If it doesn't get in the way of the laser treatments, I am also supposed to make an appointment to get a Brazilian wax done professionally.
- I am expected to create a blog post on positions and my impressions/experiences of each position.
Holy Cow. I'm going to be a busy girl. Earlier today, we talked about the possibility of an assigned bedtime during the training period as well - I'm not sure if that is happening or not, so I'd better conclude this and begin the office work I have to do.
One of many posts for today...
My husband is most certainly the head of the household. Even though, we just recently re-started a DD lifestyle, he seems to have fully and completely adapted to his HoH role already (just four days into it). I'm so deeply thankful for that (except for during the actual, painful spankings!).
We had tried DD in 2002 and it really kind of leaned more toward the erotic side of the spectrum. We have pondered going back to DD since 2003 (when we moved and stopped and then never resumed). This week, we began again. I need to lose about 25 pounds and we're hoping DD will help with that. I will have a weekly weigh in that can result in spankings if I haven't lost at least a pound and also a weekly maintenance spanking in addition to punishments. I'm an executive that works outside the home and my husband is the stay at home parent. He is a gentle, kind, insightful and wonderful man. DD helps us balance our relationship given the reverse roles we live on a day to day basis.
Right now and for the next three weeks, I am in a training period which includes daily spankings and strict rules. We are finessing our rules and communicating really well. I've been amazed at how my love and admiration for my husband has begun to bubble up this week. It's wonderful (although the spankings themselves are not!).
Usually maintenance will be on Friday (a day off from work for me), but this week it is happening today because I have to work tomorrow. I haven't had maintenance yet, though, because I had a 20 minute punishment spanking instead for not being ready for the morning spanking on time and for being sneaky about something on Monday (I just fessed up to this today and boy am I sorry!). After the punishment, I was sent to the closet door and told to put my hands on the door and place my feet shoulder width apart. I think he left me there for about 5 minutes, during which time he continued to ask my why I had been punished. He also commented on how red my naughty behind was. During punishment, I was spanked with each implement in our collection, and I am expected to write an essay about the feel of each one prior to today's maintenance session. I am supposed to describe the feel, sensation, level/depth of pain, sting, etc. He said to me as he was spanking me this morning, "I know you are a really good writer so I expect a very solid essay."
I am also expected to update our "booklet" each time we do weekly maintenance. We created (well...I created and he edited) a booklet with rules, implements, suggestions, etc when we began earlier this week. I also need to research laser hair removal (and get it done asap) and turn in all my "toys" to him...from now on, I only play with permission.
We had tried DD in 2002 and it really kind of leaned more toward the erotic side of the spectrum. We have pondered going back to DD since 2003 (when we moved and stopped and then never resumed). This week, we began again. I need to lose about 25 pounds and we're hoping DD will help with that. I will have a weekly weigh in that can result in spankings if I haven't lost at least a pound and also a weekly maintenance spanking in addition to punishments. I'm an executive that works outside the home and my husband is the stay at home parent. He is a gentle, kind, insightful and wonderful man. DD helps us balance our relationship given the reverse roles we live on a day to day basis.
Right now and for the next three weeks, I am in a training period which includes daily spankings and strict rules. We are finessing our rules and communicating really well. I've been amazed at how my love and admiration for my husband has begun to bubble up this week. It's wonderful (although the spankings themselves are not!).
Usually maintenance will be on Friday (a day off from work for me), but this week it is happening today because I have to work tomorrow. I haven't had maintenance yet, though, because I had a 20 minute punishment spanking instead for not being ready for the morning spanking on time and for being sneaky about something on Monday (I just fessed up to this today and boy am I sorry!). After the punishment, I was sent to the closet door and told to put my hands on the door and place my feet shoulder width apart. I think he left me there for about 5 minutes, during which time he continued to ask my why I had been punished. He also commented on how red my naughty behind was. During punishment, I was spanked with each implement in our collection, and I am expected to write an essay about the feel of each one prior to today's maintenance session. I am supposed to describe the feel, sensation, level/depth of pain, sting, etc. He said to me as he was spanking me this morning, "I know you are a really good writer so I expect a very solid essay."
I am also expected to update our "booklet" each time we do weekly maintenance. We created (well...I created and he edited) a booklet with rules, implements, suggestions, etc when we began earlier this week. I also need to research laser hair removal (and get it done asap) and turn in all my "toys" to him...from now on, I only play with permission.
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