After my third session today, I lay down on the bed on my tummy. That final caning pretty much took the life out of me (and, as a side note, I was once again NEAR tears but not there. Argh). Sir sat down on the bed next to me and reviewed the Rule Book. Each week, I am expected to update it and provide him with an updated copy of our 12-page document that includes suggestions for him from various websites, our rules, possible punishments, extra chore ideas, etc.
We ended up having a wonderful conversation for about a half hour. We talked a lot about Him growing into His role as HoH and as the authority. He is such a tender-hearted, kind, and calm man...sometimes the transition is tricky for him. I shared that I feel safer knowing he is in charge, and I mentioned how much of a turning point it was for me last week when we agreed clearly that this lifestyle will be in place at least until I lose the 20 pounds I need to lose. At that point, I realized that I'm not allowed to try to get out of a punishment or try to change the rules of the game whenever I want. I reassured him that it will be really important to be very strict if I ever attempt to avoid a spanking or if I cop an attitude about this lifestyle.
We also talked about punishments and ultimate goals. We are still finding a groove regarding non-spanking punishments and the various options available to Him for this. I seem to lean more quickly toward more stringent expressions, while He feels that we will get there if I continue to disobey and/or break certain rules. He sees the situation as responding with a 5 and working up from there, while I seem to yearn for 10s during training so it is crystal clear who is in charge. I feel like the ultimate goal is my submission and his authority with secondary goals/effects being an improved and more intimate marriage and my own personal self-improvement. Before our talk, His ultimate goal was to help me claim more personal responsibility (e.g., taking my meds, working out, being on time, etc). It was helpful to clarify this. We talked about how my disobedience in not following the rules is by far the most serious infraction and that breaking the rule itself is, while serious, a lesser infraction.
I am so deeply grateful He is willing to spank and discipline me. He doesn't necessarily feel that this comes naturally for him, but I think that is exactly why this works for us and why I can turn over my trust to him. If he was all psycho about tiny things and freaked out about totally trying to control me, I don't know that I could surrender to him so openly. I actually encouraged him to "cross the line" (his words expressing his concern that he might overdo a punishment or become over-authoritarian). Until he does so, he won't know for certain where the line is for him.
Even with an incredibly sore bottom, I can say I am so grateful for Him. When he is willing to spend time disciplining me and spend energy leaning into His role as HoH, He is displaying His love and commitment to our marriage, my wellbeing, and me. I am so deeply in love with my wonderful, incredible Man!
Showing posts with label Rules. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Rules. Show all posts
Monday, January 24, 2011
Monday, January 17, 2011
My sore bottom is back in the saddle
Each Monday, we discuss the previous week and review my rules. This morning was a productive conversation. We talked about the being on time rule, and My Husband has loosened the reigns on that a bit when the reason is solid. There are simply times when my work complicates my ability to be on time. If I am goofing off and late, I will get spanked. If I am late due to something outside my control, I might not (I have to report the situation and he will decide). I tried to finagle my way out of the $20 spending rule to no avail. He agreed that I do not have to call him My Love during punishments...it just wasn't working for me, so we are back to Sir. A No Gossip rule was added, and I was punished for it today (more on that below). We also talked about and clarified that I do not get to decide days off, etc., nor do I get to request them like I did last week. I've consensually entered into non-consensual discipline until I reach my goal weight (now 20 pounds away). Once I reach that, we will reassess.Until then, I will submit, end of story.
Perhaps the most interesting parts of our conversation this morning were about other punishments in addition to a spanking and how some rules are a bigger deal than others. We are struggling to find non-spanking additions to our repetoire so that I am crystal clear about His authority. The ideas we discussed were: Capsaicin applied afterward, having my clothes chosen for me, being diapered, writing lines, mouth soaping (especially for gossip), and early bedtime. He isn't sold on the diapering or clothing choice ideas, but I do think they would help. He didn't really express His opinion either way on the others, except to say, "I'll take that under advisement." There's something wonderful about me not knowing which he might choose.
As far as this No Gossip rule goes, it is one I asked for. I will likely be very sore and sorry that it was added because I am a verbal processor who trusts WAY too many people. So often, I will simply want to share my latest challenge with someone. It helps for me to discuss things and hear others' viewpoints. However, last week, I was caught red tongued so-to-speak. This is part of why last Tuesday's meeting was so hellish for me. I had said that I have trouble working with this one person one too many times and somebody repeated what I had said to her. She confronted me on it and my words came back to cause me a lot of problems. I know that I talk to too many people and trust too many people with too much information. This is definitely something I need to work on and something that has been an issue for me for a long, long time. I don't tend to actually talk bad about someone else for the purpose of spreading bad blood, but my mouth gets me into trouble for a lack of discretion far too often simply because I am venting or because I seek out too many people asking for advice on what to do. I am now only allowed to vent or ask for advice from a select group, which will help me stay clear of more delicate situations where I shouldn't be talking about stuff like this.
Monday is my weigh in day. If I haven't lost at least 1 pound, I receive 5-10 swats for every 2/10th of a pound I am over. Luckily, I lost enough weight this week to skip a spanking for that. However, I was punished twice today for other infractions. My bottom is SORE and red and reminding me every minute to be good.
Perhaps the most interesting parts of our conversation this morning were about other punishments in addition to a spanking and how some rules are a bigger deal than others. We are struggling to find non-spanking additions to our repetoire so that I am crystal clear about His authority. The ideas we discussed were: Capsaicin applied afterward, having my clothes chosen for me, being diapered, writing lines, mouth soaping (especially for gossip), and early bedtime. He isn't sold on the diapering or clothing choice ideas, but I do think they would help. He didn't really express His opinion either way on the others, except to say, "I'll take that under advisement." There's something wonderful about me not knowing which he might choose.
As far as this No Gossip rule goes, it is one I asked for. I will likely be very sore and sorry that it was added because I am a verbal processor who trusts WAY too many people. So often, I will simply want to share my latest challenge with someone. It helps for me to discuss things and hear others' viewpoints. However, last week, I was caught red tongued so-to-speak. This is part of why last Tuesday's meeting was so hellish for me. I had said that I have trouble working with this one person one too many times and somebody repeated what I had said to her. She confronted me on it and my words came back to cause me a lot of problems. I know that I talk to too many people and trust too many people with too much information. This is definitely something I need to work on and something that has been an issue for me for a long, long time. I don't tend to actually talk bad about someone else for the purpose of spreading bad blood, but my mouth gets me into trouble for a lack of discretion far too often simply because I am venting or because I seek out too many people asking for advice on what to do. I am now only allowed to vent or ask for advice from a select group, which will help me stay clear of more delicate situations where I shouldn't be talking about stuff like this.
Monday is my weigh in day. If I haven't lost at least 1 pound, I receive 5-10 swats for every 2/10th of a pound I am over. Luckily, I lost enough weight this week to skip a spanking for that. However, I was punished twice today for other infractions. My bottom is SORE and red and reminding me every minute to be good.
- At 10am, I was spanked for leaving water bottles around the house, laundry not being put away, only working out twice last week, and gossip. I had no idea I was being punished for the bottles and the laundry until I was already over His knee! It was a hard spanking and He used the cane, plank, brush, gluestick, and his hand. Afterward, I was put in the corner on my knees for probably about 15 minutes.
- Then at 1pm, I was punished again for gossip (not that I gossiped more...I was given additional punishment for the original time and to break a long-standing habit). That was a YOWSA of a spanking! YIKES! I was expected to lie over the ottoman while he used the belt (new to us), the board and his hand. He spanked me HARD for at least 10 minutes. I was very close to the "I promise to never, ever be naughty again!" point. It was most certainly a punishment. For this punishment, He had me lower my workout pants, fetch and return the implements with my pants around my ankles, and kneel in the corner with them down as well. I'm not sure why, but it was more humiliating to me than being naked (our usual practice for spankings). Somehow, I didn't cry. I wish I could get to the point of tears - I think the release would be so cathartic.
- After the second spanking, we went to workout. When we returned, I also had to help shovel snow this afternoon (usually, My Husband expects the kids to help with this but not me).
- I'm not sure if it's over yet or not. This morning, we talked about other possible non-spanking punishments, so I may also be given an early bedtime, lines, or something else...he hasn't told me yet.
Thursday, January 6, 2011
Welcome to Maintenance and to a Swollen, Sore, Red Bottom
Boy, o boy. My 45 minute maintenance session was held today and was followed about an hour later by 4 sharp, strong swats with the plank. The 45 minute session included spanking, corner time, more spanking, and time on the bed lying on my tummy. I came SO close to tears about three times (which is one of our goals of maintenance sessions), but just couldn't quite release fully. When My Love used the belt, I was right on the edge of crying. I was probably only 2-3 swats away from really losing it and then My Love said, "I don't really like the belt...it's too unwieldy." Sigh.
The maintenance session (if I remember it correctly - I have had 3 spankings today and the details are beginning to blur) began with me bending over the end of the bed with my knees bent and feet on the floor. Then My Love spanked me with his hands using varying intensity levels and alternately using one or two hands. He also moved his body from my right to left a few times. My bottom was already pretty sore from the punishment spanking I had received about four hours earlier. My Love also used a new wood remnant that we're calling The Board. It is shorter and wider than the plank and he used it with less force, which was a welcome change. Then...
Little Miss, meet your closet door - your new "corner." Closet door, meet Little Miss. After the fairly extended hand spanking I was sent to the door and was instructed to place my feet shoulder width apart and to place my hands flat against the door at the height of my head. The longer I stood there, the more weary my hands and arms became. While I stood there, I discovered it was more effective if I kept my eyes open (why do I fess up to these insights and offer them to My Love?!), so that is also part of the corner time expectation. While I stood there, naked, I could see My Love reading the print out of my blog posts to date. We had decided prior to maintenance that he will have the password to my email, that I will create a file in my email account for emails I think he may want to see (although he can/will look at whatever else he wants to read), and that he will read my blog posts. It was humiliating to stand there naked and red-bottomed while he read my thoughts and reflections on other spankings. What is it about humiliation and shame that is so darn effective?! I just don't get it but I'm more and more convinced that it is very true.
I was then instructed to put my feet shoulder width apart, bend over and place my hands on top of the Rubbermaid bin that holds all our implements and other DD items. Maintenance was proving to be full of new experiences - two new positions and a new implement in one spanking. This position provided a different set of sensations, probably because my skin was more taut. After being spanked with My Love's hand some more, he alternately used the board as well. Then he tried the belt, which nearly brought me to tears. That experience is described above. He also delivered a series of quick, repetitive swats with both the board and the hand - that also nearly drew me to tears and it was very effective.
At that point, I think My Love must have looked at my bright red bottom and thought I'd had enough. Instead of declaring the maintenance session done, he asked me if I'd had enough. I actually said no. I asked him if I could be put over his knee and he agreed. We also took just a minute or two to discuss what he was saying as he spanked me - some of it was really effective but other words were really ruining the experience. I'm glad he was open to my comments. Normally, I would not dream of commenting or commentating during a spanking, but this time it really seemed to work well.
My Love grabbed a nearby chair and I went over his knees. I'm not sure I can adequately describe the feelings. There I was being spanked (again and again!) with his firm hand, yet it felt very safe and right. I really appreciated the security of being over his knee. It felt like our roles were very clear during this experience and I appreciated being a submissive wife with an authoritative husband. In a way, I did not want to move away from this position. I told him later that it was comforting and connective to be over his knees. We agreed that this position is probably good for maintenance but not for punishments.
After being over his knees, I asked if I could lay on my tummy on the bed. I was so, so, so close to tears but they just did not fall. I had a little tear here and there but not a full on release. After about 10-15 minutes (I'm guessing here...I really have no idea how long it was), I was told to get ready for the gym. We went to the gym with my bottom throbbing a bit and delivering copious amounts of heat during the 1.75 mile, 45 minute workout.
On the way home from the gym, we talked about what maintenance is and should be like. I mentioned that maintenance is an opportunity for me to be reminded why I do not want to break any rules, that I think a slower and more prolonged experience would be effective, and that one or two harsh swats with one or two of the more severe implements at the end would be enough to remind me to behave. Well, I really need to think twice before I just run off at the mouth with all the "great" ideas I have. When we came in the house, My Love looked at me and said, "Get upstairs now." I kind of stumbled in my words and said something about, "Ummm....uhhhh...I thought I was supposed to move the other implements to the Rubbermaid when we got back." He looked seriously at me and said, "That can wait. Get upstairs. Now." Why, especially after all of the punishments I received already, did I think I should try to negotiate?
I went to the bedroom (so far, all spankings have occurred in the bedroom) and he was right behind me. He told me to lower my workout pants and get out the plank. Oh. Crud. Not the plank! I walked into the closet very ashamed with my pants around my ankles. I came out and handed it to him and then bent over as instructed. I received FOUR very hard swats with the plank. My legs kind of broke down with the second, third and fourth swat and My Love sternly reminded me, "Get back in position." During each one, My Love said things like, "So do you want punishments?" "This is what punishments feel like Little Miss." Then I was told to get up and put the implement away.
In addition to the spankings, today's maintenance includes a variety of assignments. Some of the assignments are one-time and others are regular.
Holy Cow. I'm going to be a busy girl. Earlier today, we talked about the possibility of an assigned bedtime during the training period as well - I'm not sure if that is happening or not, so I'd better conclude this and begin the office work I have to do.
The maintenance session (if I remember it correctly - I have had 3 spankings today and the details are beginning to blur) began with me bending over the end of the bed with my knees bent and feet on the floor. Then My Love spanked me with his hands using varying intensity levels and alternately using one or two hands. He also moved his body from my right to left a few times. My bottom was already pretty sore from the punishment spanking I had received about four hours earlier. My Love also used a new wood remnant that we're calling The Board. It is shorter and wider than the plank and he used it with less force, which was a welcome change. Then...
Little Miss, meet your closet door - your new "corner." Closet door, meet Little Miss. After the fairly extended hand spanking I was sent to the door and was instructed to place my feet shoulder width apart and to place my hands flat against the door at the height of my head. The longer I stood there, the more weary my hands and arms became. While I stood there, I discovered it was more effective if I kept my eyes open (why do I fess up to these insights and offer them to My Love?!), so that is also part of the corner time expectation. While I stood there, naked, I could see My Love reading the print out of my blog posts to date. We had decided prior to maintenance that he will have the password to my email, that I will create a file in my email account for emails I think he may want to see (although he can/will look at whatever else he wants to read), and that he will read my blog posts. It was humiliating to stand there naked and red-bottomed while he read my thoughts and reflections on other spankings. What is it about humiliation and shame that is so darn effective?! I just don't get it but I'm more and more convinced that it is very true.
I was then instructed to put my feet shoulder width apart, bend over and place my hands on top of the Rubbermaid bin that holds all our implements and other DD items. Maintenance was proving to be full of new experiences - two new positions and a new implement in one spanking. This position provided a different set of sensations, probably because my skin was more taut. After being spanked with My Love's hand some more, he alternately used the board as well. Then he tried the belt, which nearly brought me to tears. That experience is described above. He also delivered a series of quick, repetitive swats with both the board and the hand - that also nearly drew me to tears and it was very effective.
At that point, I think My Love must have looked at my bright red bottom and thought I'd had enough. Instead of declaring the maintenance session done, he asked me if I'd had enough. I actually said no. I asked him if I could be put over his knee and he agreed. We also took just a minute or two to discuss what he was saying as he spanked me - some of it was really effective but other words were really ruining the experience. I'm glad he was open to my comments. Normally, I would not dream of commenting or commentating during a spanking, but this time it really seemed to work well.
My Love grabbed a nearby chair and I went over his knees. I'm not sure I can adequately describe the feelings. There I was being spanked (again and again!) with his firm hand, yet it felt very safe and right. I really appreciated the security of being over his knee. It felt like our roles were very clear during this experience and I appreciated being a submissive wife with an authoritative husband. In a way, I did not want to move away from this position. I told him later that it was comforting and connective to be over his knees. We agreed that this position is probably good for maintenance but not for punishments.
After being over his knees, I asked if I could lay on my tummy on the bed. I was so, so, so close to tears but they just did not fall. I had a little tear here and there but not a full on release. After about 10-15 minutes (I'm guessing here...I really have no idea how long it was), I was told to get ready for the gym. We went to the gym with my bottom throbbing a bit and delivering copious amounts of heat during the 1.75 mile, 45 minute workout.
On the way home from the gym, we talked about what maintenance is and should be like. I mentioned that maintenance is an opportunity for me to be reminded why I do not want to break any rules, that I think a slower and more prolonged experience would be effective, and that one or two harsh swats with one or two of the more severe implements at the end would be enough to remind me to behave. Well, I really need to think twice before I just run off at the mouth with all the "great" ideas I have. When we came in the house, My Love looked at me and said, "Get upstairs now." I kind of stumbled in my words and said something about, "Ummm....uhhhh...I thought I was supposed to move the other implements to the Rubbermaid when we got back." He looked seriously at me and said, "That can wait. Get upstairs. Now." Why, especially after all of the punishments I received already, did I think I should try to negotiate?
I went to the bedroom (so far, all spankings have occurred in the bedroom) and he was right behind me. He told me to lower my workout pants and get out the plank. Oh. Crud. Not the plank! I walked into the closet very ashamed with my pants around my ankles. I came out and handed it to him and then bent over as instructed. I received FOUR very hard swats with the plank. My legs kind of broke down with the second, third and fourth swat and My Love sternly reminded me, "Get back in position." During each one, My Love said things like, "So do you want punishments?" "This is what punishments feel like Little Miss." Then I was told to get up and put the implement away.
In addition to the spankings, today's maintenance includes a variety of assignments. Some of the assignments are one-time and others are regular.
- I am to blog each experience - maintenance or otherwise.
- Each week, I am supposed to edit/update our booklet that lists rules, implements, etc.
- All my "toys" go to the Rubbermaid tonight and I only use them with prior permission from here on out.
- I am to add implement commentary to the implement post whenever a new implement is used.
- A list of ideas for appropriate shaming is to be created. Luckily, I can decide when this is done.
- I need to clean off my craft desk, which is a daily assignment that My Love graciously waived last night because I arrived home at 9:30pm from a long meeting.
- I need to research laser hair removal for down there and begin that process. If it doesn't get in the way of the laser treatments, I am also supposed to make an appointment to get a Brazilian wax done professionally.
- I am expected to create a blog post on positions and my impressions/experiences of each position.
Holy Cow. I'm going to be a busy girl. Earlier today, we talked about the possibility of an assigned bedtime during the training period as well - I'm not sure if that is happening or not, so I'd better conclude this and begin the office work I have to do.
Monday, January 3, 2011
Starting Up Again
My Love and I just resumed DD today. We tried it for awhile in 2002 and I honestly don't remember what caused us to stop. It might have stopped when we moved.
Anyway, we have pondered going back to DD off and on for the last 6 years. Our return was motivated by a few factors: (1) I need to lose weight for health reasons and have not really been successful in losing weight over the last two years, and (2) My Love, who prefers I call him that instead of "Sir," is actually the stay at home parent and I work outside the home as an executive - we need to rebalance our marriage relationship and DD helps with that.
This morning, I received 23 swats with a hairbrush and 3 with a paddle. The 23 were one for each pound I need to lose. The other three for a very small "maintenance". My Love requested that I count each swat, which became more and more of a challenge with each one. The last 3 with the paddle really, really stung and were a challenge for me. On the second one, I wilted a bit but quickly resumed position. I came near tears, which had never happened in 2002. I was then instructed to remain in position until told otherwise. I'm not sure how long I stayed that way, but I did as I was told. It felt like a long time, but I'm sure it didn't last as long as it felt like it did.
I was shocked by how thankful and humbled I felt afterwards. In a way, I was proud of my normally gentle, calm Love for assuming the role. He says it's a role he will have to grow into. I was also surprised by the renewed energy I had throughout the day and by how giddy-in-love I felt with him all day.
As I reflect on this morning's experience, I am hopeful My Love will not be lenient, because I know I will try to test the limits. I am deeply thankful he is willing to discipline me. I am a little ashamed that I need a spanking to help me do what is best for me, but it's a fact. Nothing else seems to motivate me, and I'm thankful My Love is willing to help me reach my goals.
We are using a "training period" for the first three weeks, and I am both hopeful and tentative about that. Over the weekend, we came up with possible ideas for a training period and we created the rules for our arrangement. I do not know which parts of the training period My Love will employ - he says I will know when I need to know. I'm thankful he is embracing authority like this.
Our rules are pretty simple and are based on things that I need to work on:
- be on time (I'm always late and have already broken this one today)
- do not lose keys, journal, cell phone, etc
- balance checkbooks by noon each Friday and keep bills current
- ask for permission before spending more than $20
- take medications daily by 9am
- keep bedroom and closet clean and organized
- work out at least 3 times a week for 30 or more minutes
- no questioning my husband's authority and my punishments
- always respect and obey my husband. No arguing or sass
- keep a journal for food eaten, meds taken, punishments received
We will have weigh in procedures each Monday that will result in spankings if I haven't lost at least a pound, and we also have maintenance spankings each Friday.
All of this may sound strange to someone not into Domestic Discipline. Years ago, it would have sounded strange to me too. However, I've learned that it is just part of who I am and what I need. If it doesn't work for you, that's ok. I respect that. If it does, c'mon over to the blog anytime and walk this journey with me.
Anyway, we have pondered going back to DD off and on for the last 6 years. Our return was motivated by a few factors: (1) I need to lose weight for health reasons and have not really been successful in losing weight over the last two years, and (2) My Love, who prefers I call him that instead of "Sir," is actually the stay at home parent and I work outside the home as an executive - we need to rebalance our marriage relationship and DD helps with that.
This morning, I received 23 swats with a hairbrush and 3 with a paddle. The 23 were one for each pound I need to lose. The other three for a very small "maintenance". My Love requested that I count each swat, which became more and more of a challenge with each one. The last 3 with the paddle really, really stung and were a challenge for me. On the second one, I wilted a bit but quickly resumed position. I came near tears, which had never happened in 2002. I was then instructed to remain in position until told otherwise. I'm not sure how long I stayed that way, but I did as I was told. It felt like a long time, but I'm sure it didn't last as long as it felt like it did.
I was shocked by how thankful and humbled I felt afterwards. In a way, I was proud of my normally gentle, calm Love for assuming the role. He says it's a role he will have to grow into. I was also surprised by the renewed energy I had throughout the day and by how giddy-in-love I felt with him all day.
As I reflect on this morning's experience, I am hopeful My Love will not be lenient, because I know I will try to test the limits. I am deeply thankful he is willing to discipline me. I am a little ashamed that I need a spanking to help me do what is best for me, but it's a fact. Nothing else seems to motivate me, and I'm thankful My Love is willing to help me reach my goals.
We are using a "training period" for the first three weeks, and I am both hopeful and tentative about that. Over the weekend, we came up with possible ideas for a training period and we created the rules for our arrangement. I do not know which parts of the training period My Love will employ - he says I will know when I need to know. I'm thankful he is embracing authority like this.
Our rules are pretty simple and are based on things that I need to work on:
- be on time (I'm always late and have already broken this one today)
- do not lose keys, journal, cell phone, etc
- balance checkbooks by noon each Friday and keep bills current
- ask for permission before spending more than $20
- take medications daily by 9am
- keep bedroom and closet clean and organized
- work out at least 3 times a week for 30 or more minutes
- no questioning my husband's authority and my punishments
- always respect and obey my husband. No arguing or sass
- keep a journal for food eaten, meds taken, punishments received
We will have weigh in procedures each Monday that will result in spankings if I haven't lost at least a pound, and we also have maintenance spankings each Friday.
All of this may sound strange to someone not into Domestic Discipline. Years ago, it would have sounded strange to me too. However, I've learned that it is just part of who I am and what I need. If it doesn't work for you, that's ok. I respect that. If it does, c'mon over to the blog anytime and walk this journey with me.
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