It's been awhile since I've posted. Until this morning, things have been pretty uneventful.
Most of last week ended up being non-spanking due to school cancellations for the kids. Friday was maintenance, but it was pretty half-hearted and non-eventful. I made it through all the snow days and the weekend without doing anything worthy of punishment...I guess I'm at least learning something. Monday of this week came along without anything exciting - I had to be at work early that day so training wasn't held.
Tuesday was weigh in day - down 1.4 lbs!!! That meant no spanking related to weight. However, I did receive a pretty extensive training spanking. At the beginning of my spanking, as I lay on the bed, my cat curled up atop my legs. I think she was trying to intervene! The dog has now learned that if I head to my closet door for corner time, he prefers to get lost and not stick around in the room to watch the events! Thank Goodness the cat at least sticks around and does what she can to help.
My Love mentioned that my sit spots looked a little bruised, which surprised me. Those would have to be pretty old bruises. Maybe, I hoped, it would tenderize his swats. No such luck. I'm not sure if it was because it's been awhile or because of the implements chosen or because of how He used them - regardless of the reason, it sure seemed like more than a training session to me. I didn't really "appreciate" that (more on that later). He used the dreaded riding crop - I'm not sure how to explain that tortuous device. At the time of use, it hurts like hell, stings, leaves welts, and smacks down hard (especially at the tip where there is a little piece of leather all flattened). All that stated, I'm not sure it is "effective." Beyond that, I'm struggling for words...the only way I can explain it is that it is annoying. As a comparison, the cane was effective. When we used one (before He broke ours inadvertently), it hurt, left welts, stung, got the point across, etc. But it was also effective. The crop...it's annoying. And, no, I'm not simply trying to get out of it being used. I'm really struggling with this whole thing.
Strangely enough, even with the annoying crop and all the wooden stingers used, I was surprised that the discomfort didn't stay with me throughout the day - at the time, the swats were certainly sufficient to cause a lingering effect. Once someone has been at this awhile, does the lingering lessen? It just doesn't make sense - the session itself was likely more severe than the previous ones that did have lingering effects. I don't get it.
Then this morning came. The day brought sunshine and a spanking. Yesterday, after training, He asked me put the box of implements away. I said I would as soon as I fed my fish (I'm pretty addicted to the iPad/iPod game Tapfish). He was ok with that at the time (or at least seemed to be), but then I forgot to put the box away. When I got home last night, the box was in my walk in closet but not where it is normally stored. I was pretty sure this morning would bring a warming surprise. I forgot one other time and I do know better, so this whole event just amps the ante on the annoyance factor. Yes, I know I need to do what I'm told. Yes, I know that not putting the box away could lead to the curious children finding it and asking about it. Yes, I f-ed up. Again. Grr. So this morning, out came the box and over the ottoman I went.
Here's what doesn't make sense, though. The session was pretty severe and hurt like hell. The stinging and pain bordered on more than I can bear. I absolutely could not stay in position or stay still due to the stinging and the pain. This most certainly wasn't a case of "not getting punished enough," yet at the end of it, I was more annoyed than penitent. Maybe I'm just frustrated with myself for doing something (or rather, not doing something) so stupid and easy. Maybe the honeymoon phase on our new lifestyle is wearing thin. I've found myself lately honestly wondering if this makes sense for us and for me. Our deal is that we will do DD until I reach my goal weight (about 17 lbs to go), but I really have a sense of ick toward the whole thing right now. It's not just because I was just punished - I've been wondering this for a few days.
I have experience doing this over a long period of time and there are a couple of things that I think apply. One of them is that it is just hard to do anything consistently for long periods. You may want to in the abstract, but the reality of actually being good (and getting punished for being bad) over a long time can simply be tedious.
ReplyDeleteThe second thing is that hormones and other biological factors change how much a spanking actually hurts. The very same level of spanking in the same context (reason, previous spankings, etc.) can be easily handled at some times and barely taken at others.
What you do about these factors depends on the internal dynamics of your relationship, I would guess. As a dom, I varied the level of punishment accordingly, and also looked to use variety in the types of requirements and consequences. At times, a non-striking punishment just works better. For variety, I might put the girl in her gag for some time while she works on a task she needs to do or while we watch TV, for instance.
In any case, I think it's important not to react to things too quickly. The dom will adjust to this as necessary, but his submissive needs to let the process take its course to a certain extent because feelings change quite significantly over time. Hope this helps you out!
I think it's normal to have mixed feelings. I certainly do.
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