Maintenance and an end in sight for the training period

I'm plugged again today after a maintenance spanking, but this time with the small plug.   It isn't hurting like the medium one started to.  Given the leaking lube adventure of the other day, I am diapered along with my plug today.   I feel so obvious even though I truly doubt anyone can tell.

I will finish my training period on Wednesday assuming I don't get a punishment between now and then.  I'm worried things will begin to disintegrate when we aren't doing daily spankings.  I worry both about my attitude, which I hope He will continue to keep tightly under supervision, and that My Love will begin to get lackadaisical about DD.  My Love is growing more and more into his role as HoH, and I hope he remains strict and firm.   I'm afraid everything will fall apart - I enjoy my submissiveness but also struggle with it.  I crave it, yet sometimes fight against it.  

A New Punishment Option

Today, after a training spanking (yes...I am STILL in training), I was standing in the corner. I heard my HoH unwrapping something - I could hear the plastic being torn and moved. I thought he had a bag of candy (ah, yeah, right!). I guessed that he was just trying to tempt me to look away from the corner (had I done so, I would have been spanked for disobedience). Oh, how wrong I was!

Instead, he was unwrapping the butt plug set. When he told me I could get out of the corner, there was a plug just waiting for me. He gave me some specific instructions and told me to go take a shower and then come back for the plug. It was a mighty long shower...

When I came back into the bedroom, he inserted it with a few twists and sent me on my way. I was expected to wear it until I arrived home this evening.

About halfway through my commute (the plug had been in for about 90 minutes by then), I started to cramp a bit and it began to hurt. I called him and he said that the length of time had been a guess on his part so he was ok with me removing it when I got to the office. About ten minutes later, it really hurt so I called him again. I explained that I wasn't going right to the office and asked if I could remove it before my first appointment. I even said, "I will happily take a hard spanking in exchange." He agreed I could stop and take it out.

When I did get to a restroom, I discovered a huge Vaseline stain on my panties and pants! Luckily, my coat covered it up.

I called him again and explained my discovery. When he first answered, i could tell he was growing tired of my calls. Once he heard the story, though, he sympathized and approved a quick shopping trip (I am not allowed to buy without permission). Well....that's one way to get to go shopping, I guess!

A caning and the crop

Monday was a back-to-the-routine day. This having to take days off just doesn't work for us, and Monday was just plain rotten, awkward, and hostile. Yuck.

There were a few times during the week last week that I probably got a little too sassy. Then there was Friday morning when He woke me up and requested I service him so to speak. I obliged while being pretty ticked internally. Friday was the first day I had been able to sleep in since the previous Saturday and, man, I love my sleep! Then after a few minutes, he told me to climb on top of him. I threw a bit of a fit and exclaimed, "Come on! Really?!". He replied, "Yes, really." And I said, "I don't think so. I haven't been able to sleep in for a week, it's 6 am and I have to get up early tomorrow. This is unreasonable." He asked me to roll over and we spooned instead, but I knew he was angry with me even though he didn't really say anything at the time. And I was pretty damn furious that I had been woken up. I had been in a work seminar all week, and the entire week had been incredibly emotionally and physically exhausting and intense. I was spent.

So, anyway, back to Monday...

He sent me upstairs Monday morning and I knew we were resuming DD and that I was going to be spanked. He had me go over his knee and it became obvious pretty quickly that it wasn't going well. I was a little....ummm....surly. I had real issues with the punishment he was planning and beginning to carry out and I was so angry. It seemed so unfair. I did not protest physically, though, and whenever he asked me a question, I dutifully answered but was clear that I thought it was unfair and/or that I felt like we should talk about it before the punishment happened. He finally decided we could talk about it but made me state my case while over his knee! That just ticked me off more.

After about ten minutes, we had a pretty good conversation and things relaxed. He saw my point and understood when I expressed that we had agreed to take last week off but then it seemed like some parts of our arrangement hadn't been put on hiatus. I was so befuddled. I had also asked him three times last week if we could clarify his expectations for the week, but we never had the conversation. I really was not trying to get out of a punishment - this was about being held to unclear standards. We finally talked everything out, but he expressed some exasperation and said, "I'm not sure I will ever do this lifestyle right." He was frustrated too - with himself, with me, with my behavior, but mostly with how we had messed up the week and the morning.

After a pretty tame training spanking, I eventually asked for the crop (my absolute least favorite implement!) because I felt like we both needed to give a little and that he had been a bit too willing to give in. It made a big difference especially for him and his mindset, I think. It hurt like hell.

This morning, I weighed in and I had lost a full pound. We were back to confusion - should I have lost two pounds since I hadn't weighed in last week or did weight loss not figure in last week either? He expressed that he really didn't know what to do. I asked if I could make a suggestion. He said that was fine. I suggested fifteen swats with the cane, which was half as many as I would have received if weight loss had been expected last week. He thought that was reasonable. I went over the ottoman and he swung the cane HARD! It was very adequate punishment. But near the end, the brand new cane split in two! It was the first time we had even used it. He finished off with it anyway and then I was expected to get ready for work.

My back end is pretty dang sore today!

Whew! What a week!

This week has been busy, busy, busy. Add to that a sick kid and my own body fighting off the bug and the blog has gone by the wayside.

Monday brought more than a training spanking...I was punished for forgetting my meds on Sunday and for almost crossing the line during a tricky conversation with a coworker. I asked to be given a reminder spanking for the conversation because I came so close and had another meeting on Monday with the same person. To really drive the point home, I was told to soap my mouth during my shower, too.

Tuesday, one of the kids was home from school, so I lucked out and didn't weigh in or get spanked, When Wednesday came, I weighed in and had no weight loss for the week. That, of course, meant 25 hard swats along with a warm up. My Love told me that if i do not make weight next Tuesday, he will decide what i do and do not eat for the following week That combined with the rest of his words made the experience one of the most effective spankings and lectures I have ever had.

Then Thursday, I had the best training spanking ever - complete with an effective lecture. By 5pm, though, I was in bed battling a bug. I still felt crummy on Friday and so we skipped maintenance.

Next Friday, I have a laser appointment so we are not doing spankings all week. I'm a little worried how that will play out. He has promised alternative punishments and had me order a set of butt plugs last week (that haven't arrived yet!). Should be an interesting week...

The Ineffective Crop Effectively Sticks With Me

Some days have passed since my in-a-funk post about that damn crop.  I have to admit now that I did indeed deserve that punishment and that it was effective in at least one way:  the soreness stuck with me for two days.  That lingering discomfort is always a great reminder to behave!

I came home with the beginnings of a migraine on Wednesday night and it raged throughout the night.  By morning, it was still lingering.  My Love kindly decided that a training spanking was not necessary given my aching head.  He did insist, though, that I go to the gym with him and work out.  I didn't want to, but I respected his instructions.

I had to leave early on Friday morning for a work commitment, so maintenance was scrapped this week. I'm sure Monday will bring a training spanking.  In the past, when we've missed a few days in a row, we seem to get into a funk.  I'm hopeful that doesn't happen this time.

A Protective Cat, An Annoying Implement, and Other Thoughts

It's been awhile since I've posted.  Until this morning, things have been pretty uneventful.

Most of last week ended up being non-spanking due to school cancellations for the kids.  Friday was maintenance, but it was pretty half-hearted and non-eventful.  I made it through all the snow days and the weekend without doing anything worthy of punishment...I guess I'm at least learning something.  Monday of this week came along without anything exciting - I had to be at work early that day so training wasn't held. 

Tuesday was weigh in day - down 1.4 lbs!!!  That meant no spanking related to weight.  However, I did receive a pretty extensive training spanking.  At the beginning of my spanking, as I lay on the bed, my cat curled up atop my legs.  I think she was trying to intervene!  The dog has now learned that if I head to my closet door for corner time, he prefers to get lost and not stick around in the room to watch the events!  Thank Goodness the cat at least sticks around and does what she can to help.

My Love mentioned that my sit spots looked a little bruised, which surprised me.  Those would have to be pretty old bruises.  Maybe, I hoped, it would tenderize his swats.  No such luck.  I'm not sure if it was because it's been awhile or because of the implements chosen or because of how He used them - regardless of the reason, it sure seemed like more than a training session to me.  I didn't really "appreciate" that (more on that later).  He used the dreaded riding crop - I'm not sure how to explain that tortuous device.  At the time of use, it hurts like hell, stings, leaves welts, and smacks down hard (especially at the tip where there is a little piece of leather all flattened). All that stated, I'm not sure it is "effective."  Beyond that, I'm struggling for words...the only way I can explain it is that it is annoying.  As a comparison, the cane was effective.  When we used one (before He broke ours inadvertently), it hurt, left welts, stung, got the point across, etc.  But it was also effective.  The crop...it's annoying.  And, no, I'm not simply trying to get out of it being used.  I'm really struggling with this whole thing.

Strangely enough, even with the annoying crop and all the wooden stingers used, I was surprised that the discomfort didn't stay with me throughout the day - at the time, the swats were certainly sufficient to cause a lingering effect.  Once someone has been at this awhile, does the lingering lessen?  It just doesn't make sense - the session itself was likely more severe than the previous ones that did have lingering effects.  I don't get it.


Then this morning came.  The day brought sunshine and a spanking.  Yesterday, after training, He asked me put the box of implements away.  I said I would as soon as I fed my fish (I'm pretty addicted to the iPad/iPod game Tapfish).  He was ok with that at the time (or at least seemed to be), but then I forgot to put the box away.  When I got home last night, the box was in my walk in closet but not where it is normally stored.  I was pretty sure this morning would bring a warming surprise.  I forgot one other time and I do know better, so this whole event just amps the ante on the annoyance factor.  Yes, I know I need to do what I'm told.  Yes, I know that not putting the box away could lead to the curious children finding it and asking about it.  Yes, I f-ed up.  Again.  Grr.  So this morning, out came the box and over the ottoman I went.


Here's what doesn't make sense, though.  The session was pretty severe and hurt like hell.  The stinging and pain bordered on more than I can bear.  I absolutely could not stay in position or stay still due to the stinging and the pain.  This most certainly wasn't a case of "not getting punished enough," yet at the end of it, I was more annoyed than penitent.  Maybe I'm just frustrated with myself for doing something (or rather, not doing something) so stupid and easy.  Maybe the honeymoon phase on our new lifestyle is wearing thin.  I've found myself lately honestly wondering if this makes sense for us and for me. Our deal is that we will do DD until I reach my goal weight (about 17 lbs to go), but I really have a sense of ick toward the whole thing right now. It's not just because I was just punished - I've been wondering this for a few days.

Today was a bit of a relief

Tuesdays are weigh in days and I was down .8 pounds. While ideally I would have been down a full pound (that is the weekly goal), at least being just .2 pounds off means only 5 swats. My Love warmed me up a bit (I think he thought five swats might not be enough!) and then administered five hard and fast swats with the belt. I was glad that was it - my bottom has been through enough lately.

We are experiencing heavy snows, so I stayed put and worked from home today. Doing so enabled me to accompany My Love to the grocery store. It's been so long since I have done full on grocery shopping that it was hard to stay focused and not explore every option and possibility! I intentionally, though, let Him lead the way through the store and asked before I put anything in the cart. It was great to experience this new level of being a submissive wife.

I am finding submission to be such a journey, and I am yearning to submit ever more fully day by day. Each day provides its ups and downs with my commitment and desire to submit. Even so, I can't imagine ever going back to our old ways. I am seeing positive changes in myself and in our marriage and I am so thankful for it all.