This Thursday and Friday

I just viewed the blog and saw that there was no update about, "Note that in your journal..."

Well, I got off easy on that. I received a warning and a training spanking on Thursday. Phew.

Friday was maintenance day. My Love has most definitely gotten the hang of maintenance! I was spanked while laying over the ottoman and OTK. He used his hand, the glue stick, the bat, and the damn brush. I once again came so close to tears. It's like I get right to the edge of tears and then pull it together. Sigh.

I also received punishment on Friday for a messy desk and for not filling out my journal. Those swats came with me resting my forearms on the bed and bending over for the swats. They were pretty dang hard, but I think most of that is because my bum is so sore from all the spankings this week. It seemed like everything stung too.

Emotionally, I was really wishing we weren't practicing DD during Friday's spanking and I really wanted to beg him to stop. One of our rules is that I only speak when spoken to during punishments, so I tried not to speak. I seem to be entering into a new emotional space with all this lately - It's like I'm beginning to wrestle with the reality that I have chosen not to choose and consented not to be able to consent. While I know that's part of the journey, a little part of me is bubbling up and getting feisty (quietly feisty anyway) about it.

After my spankings on Friday (each session was separated by corner time), I just wanted to lay down. Instead, I was instructed to get in the shower and get ready. I really didn't want to do that, but I knew better than to question Him or disobey. Then, once I was ready, he surprised me by taking me out to breakfast. A nice treat!

Later in the day, I had an appointment out of town. On my way back, I stopped to check my email on my iPod at a place where there was wireless. I lost track of time and ended up late to my next appointment. When I arrived there, I mentioned that I needed to cut our time short so I wouldn't be late to pick up the kids from school. The other person promised to watch the time, so I didn't. Well, as you might guess, I ended up having to call My Love and ask him to pick up the kids. My call ended up interrupting Him in the middle of something and He was not at all pleased.

Once I got home, he shared his displeasure and disappointment. I expressed that I really wished I didn't have to wait until Monday for punishment. He flatly said, "Me either. I'm pretty mad about the whole thing."

Why Don't I Just Stop Talking When I'm Ahead?!

Today, I received a 15-20 minute "training" spanking OTK that seemed pretty dang severe and painful.  At the end, for some stupid reason, I said, "I didn't think I was being punished today, just trained."  My HoH just grinned and said, "Go get ready."  I should have counted my lucky stars, shut my mouth, and claimed the luck that was indeed mine!  But, no...that would be far too simple.

When I came back in the bedroom after my shower, He said, "Hey, I'm really sorry if that was too hard but, you know, it wouldn't have hurt so much if you hadn't been getting so many punishments lately."  Very, very true.  It's been a painful week. [As an aside, after Monday's multi-punishment extravaganza, I got 25 stinging and hard swats with the belt yesterday for not losing any weight last week.]

Then....open mouth, insert foot...I said, "Yeah, I shouldn't have questioned you.  I'm sorry."  One would think this was a wise response, right?  Well...

He replied, "You know what?  You are right.  Make a note of that disobedience in your journal and we'll address it tomorrow morning."

Sigh.

Well, crud.

Earlier this week, My Love agreed to shift the bank reconciliation expectations to Saturday at noon.  He was very gracious about it.  So what have I done this morning?  Slept in, read a bunch of blogs, checked email, agreed to go to the gym at 11 and left myself with 40 minutes to reconcile a number of accounts.

 Update at 11:10am.  Well, all is reconciled but I'm now 10 minutes late for being ready to go to the gym (which I agreed to do this morning at about 9).  I still have a little clean up left in Quicken on our accounts that will take about 10-15 minutes, but the technicality of all being reconciled was met.

I really need My Love to help me with prioritizing and procrastination.  Crud. Those might take awhile to conquer.

Update #2 at 7:50pm. This afternoon, My Love came upstairs as I was finishing various details in Quicken (which took longer than the 10-15 minutes I thought it would).  He looked at the clock, but didn't say anything.  I caught his eye and said, "I know.  It's all I could think about during my workout today."  He breathed a heavy sigh and said, "What do you suggest we do about this?"  I explained that I agreed I needed to be punished.  I also offered that perhaps an additional workout, at a time of his choosing, should be expected of me this week.  He agreed and said, "Well, it will be a long wait until Monday when the punishment spanking happens."  Yuck.  Yes it will be.

We also talked about the prioritizing and procrastination issues.  I suggested that if I continue to get into pinches because I am on the computer, then a password known only to him will be added to my laptop and he will manage my computer time.  If my prioritizing and procrastination occur in non-computer ways, then my time may be managed more in other ways like bedtime or closer oversight.

As much as I would hate for things to come to this, I really am thankful that My Love is willing to help me with my challenges.  These are my ideas and are for my own good.  Really, all in all, I am a lucky girl.